The Mystery of the Missing Miles
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Ok, at the risk of sounding completely uninformed and a little stupid, has anyone ever seen Miles Keylock, the Listings guy from the M&G? Not that it matters terribly, but you'd think someone who writes criticism from such a widely distributed newspaper would be known by somebody? Anybody who can send me a picture gets R100 and a bad tattoo from Ed Young.
posted by Robert Sloon at 12:28 PM
15 Comments:
Looks like a wannabe roadie, now retired. May write a bad rockography one day. You can't miss him. Skinny rock-chick girlfriend, self-confessed starfucker.
Hey, don't be rude!
I think he's not an art critic, but actually a music critic. And I'm sure he gets paid a pittance, so if he writes about art at all it's probably pro bono (and that doesn' mean being a fan of U2).
I think what I fail to understand about newpapers generally, is if their staff are too underpaid to make it worth understanding their subject, why don't they get people who know about the subject to write for free? Like me, say. Another unpaid job wouldn't make any difference.
Now who's rude.
I write to you with a heavy heart. Sister Bench has taken a turn for the worse. We fear if she recovers, which we in truth doubt dear friends; she may never be her joyous self again. Cape Town art has caused her deep despair. Only Jesus in his mercy and your prayers may save her. Out of your deep concern I know you need answers as to what has affected the one we all love, our dear Sister Bench, our savoir, so I will try and fill you in. She has begged me to remain silent —not to throw light on her malaise—however I cannot let another moment pass without sharing my trepidation. Cape Town’s art has driven her to hopelessness. Being seventy eight she at times gets her terms wrong, but bear with me while I attempt a translation of her confidences.
Her desperate grief was triggered at first sight of the schlock potboilers Mathew Hindley is churning out for the pot-bellied at Bazaar 34. I confess to differ from Sister. I like shoddy canvas quality, brush hairs in the cut-price paint, feeble colouration, City Lodge bathroom mirror frames, oh-so late second year tweety goofy juxtapositions, the gummy oily-ness and their titles are so portentous I nearly experienced my first epiphany. Father Geronimo took my confession that evening.
The next day, barely able to rise for early supplications Sister whispered an entreaty to our Lord. I was close enough to hear her asking for the strength in her legs to return. Our beloved thereafter pilgrimaged to Goofman’s gallery to cast her eyes on Williamson’s remarkable excessively framed set of newspaper pages featuring Mr. Zuma. What genius.
Oh dear. I hear Sister’s soft calling: but dear caring ones Sisters precise notice of bathos (if you have an Encarta encyclopaedia it will tell you means: “ a sudden descent in style or manner from the elevated or sublime to the common place, producing a ludicrous affect”) at sight of Williamson’s serial motif drove her over the edge of despair.
I must leave dear hearts to care for Sister.
Yours in truth and love,
Sister Ghandi.
wait, we don't like sister bench. she was all shouting at us or something
Sister Bench is a repressed homosexual with halitosis. Praise the Lord.
There is a pic of him in his GQ column - i think he is their music editor or something. The said column is called 'Talk Music'. i noticed him because I thought that it was a pretty stupid picture. He is wearing sunglasses. That says it all.
sister bench is miles keylock
No, Miles is a nice guy, and straight.
Miles Keylock is Michelle Constant
oh, I thought Yuri was Michelle Constant
it's been me all along, under cover
This thread is so cape town. Its not what you say its who you are. Its not what you do its who you know. Its not how you fuck its who you fuck.
And the rest of the world differs how, precisely?
"so cape town" (sotto voce) what are you saying? it's not like that elsewhere? was the rest of the world dropped in gummi berry juice while i wasn't looking? grow up...we have the same amount of sycophants as the next place.
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