by Lizza Littlewort

Prominent Berlin curator Herrmann Walter confirmed today that white South Africans don't exist. 'They fell through a crack in the world as we wish to see it, and they are no more,' Walter declared, speaking from the lavish seaside home of South African gallerist Steven Brodieson.
Walter explained that German collectors, when they remember that Africa exists at all, come here looking for 'the contemporary exotic'. 'We come here to be shocked and thrilled by the extreme violence and poverty,' he said, 'We want to feel like we are special, that we are the only ones who care about African people. It's a bit like a colonial expedition, only the treasure we are after is gratitude for our extraordinary compassion. It's also very satisfying to visit sites of devastation knowing that you can go home to Germany when you can't take seeing any more. We can't see any possible interest in white people who actually live within the daily reality of an African country. What could they possibly understand about this place? They are so callous. They have no souls. This we know from seeing more than three of them on German television.'
Asked what Germany had done to redress the genocide of Hereros in Namibia, Walter replied that this was the first he'd heard of it. 'If Gerrmany was involved in any extermination programs in Africa, which I doubt, we are not in a position to help. Namibia is independent now and they must take responsibility,' he declared. 'We have to put our own domestic problems first. There are still many apartments in East Germany with severely outdated kitchen fittings.'
'In any case, us Europeans don't believe there's any such thing as a white race,' Walter continued. 'European culture is not racially or historically constructed, it just is. Its concepts of justice, democracy, science, freedom and objectivity are not cultural, they are natural. They predominate in the world not because white people outstripped other cultures in our sheer unmitigated violence, but because the values we espouse are the true values of all humanity.'
'What is disturbing about white people in Africa,' Walter concluded, staring out at the ocean with a look of decided yearning, 'is that they stand out as just another racial group instead of as the invisible backdrop of pure reason. We find it offensive to be made aware of ourselves, and so we like to quickly nip back to Europe before this happens. It's objectionable for us to encounter white people who have to constantly face and live with the horrific legacy of colonial oppression.'