Killing Eddy...
I nap on the couch at my hotel and dream that Willem Bashoff is playing fly-half for Western Province. My dream journey ends with Willem kicking and uneven looking playing field into a giant game of Tricky Fingers. I wake up, drink some sparkling water and eat a bowl of freshly ripened homegrown tomatoes I specially brought up from Cape Town. Blackman takes me, Sloon, Leibbrandt, King, Chapman, Kentridge, Stupart and Jacques the Happy Wizard back to the Fair for some canapés. We meet Jan Henry and Sloon informs him that he is the third member of Beatles. Jan becomes sad. The fringe arrives with his plus one Michael Mcgarry. The Fringe offends me and Michael McGarry insults Blackman twice. Blackman becomes sad.
I go outside for a fag and hear what might be two of the car guards arguing. They laugh, perhaps they are being ironic. It all gets super boring. We go to the after party. It is super boring. We go to the Hyatt. It is SP and the beers are R40. And we are all very super sad. We head to the Kitchen and are served drinks at a reasonable price. The Car gaurds are out in force and the Fringe brushes past Blackman and again Blackman becomes sad. King goes off to play the viola. And Barend de Wet starts talking to me. We start arguing about the biodiversity of the Johannesburg fynbos and its roll in the Avant-garde, the car guards take his side. I am grabbed and wrapped in wool and some fringe. I slowly suffocate and I hear my gravestone being chiseled. I am placed in a cardboard Dada outfit and McGarry cuts me the most beautiful fringe in the world. They dance on my grave and I hear the strains of a preacher.
My spirit hovers over my hapless bunch of minions and I watch Blackman decide to go home alone but he is forced to lift Sloon, Pippa, Stupart, Leibbrandt, Jacques the Happy Wizard, Kentridge, and Chapman. Sloon decides to give Blackman totally the wrong directions and gets them totally lost. Jacques the HW summons a Mandogpig to give them directions and they drop off Stupart and Pipa. But again they lose their way. They end up grabbing a meal at MacDonald’s Rock and Roll Cafe ‘restaurant to the fifteen-year-old miniskirt-wearing girls in several limousines with fat boyfriends’. Leibbrandt calls a halt to the car while they are circling the byroads of Brianstown. He opens the window, extends his body to its maxim point of extension and produces one of Jackson Pollock’s smaller works onto the road - I assume that he must have eaten it at the Fair. They wonder around like a bunch of fools and not even Kentridge knows the way home. Jacques the Happy Wizard’s power reaches 0HP from the Macdonald’s and he can’t summon a Mandogpig. Finally they drop off Kentridge and Leibbrandt and the wizard is eaten by a fifth level purple mage. Sloon and Blackman get totally lost again and are pursued by a plethora of woman who seem to want them. My spirit slowly starts to lose interest and it flies and enters the Art Fair. I finally find some rest under the Grolsch ‘Fluid’.